Cracked - If you ever had a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese's, you probably have endless fond memories: the cardboard pizza, the shitty, half-broken arcade games and soda served in the tiniest paper thimbles ever created. OK, maybe it kind of sucked in retrospect. But it could have been worse. For example, your parents could get a subpoena to appear in court for being part of a public performance of "Happy Birthday to You," which as it turns out is totally illegal.
It's copyrighted. Usually that would only affect people who are singing it while attempting to make a profit (the lady your dad hired to jump out of your birthday cake, for instance). However, the American Society of Composers, Authors and Publishers (ASCAP) requested that the Girl Scouts pay royalties for "Happy Birthday to You," and other songs they'd been singing around the campfire without a single stripper, or paying customer in attendance.
Presumably thinking that this was a prank by the girls from the camp across the lake, the Girl Scouts consulted an attorney who found that the law applied to any "public performance." Going by the strict letter of the law, you have to pay anytime you sing the song "where a substantial number of persons outside of a normal circle of a family and its social acquaintances is gathered."
The first version of the popular birthday song, titled "Good Morning to All," was composed way back in 1868 by sisters Mildred and Patty Hill, before the Summy Company copyrighted it in 1935, together with the now-famous lyrics. Today, that copyright belongs to Time Warner, meaning that any restaurant or movie that wants to use the song where everyone can hear it must pay the company royalties.
You can still sing it legally in the privacy of your own home, and you will probably get away with singing it out in the open, provided that you're not on a reality TV show. Of course, if you're anything like most small business owners, you'll just pay up because you don't want to face Time Warner in court. Enough of them pay royalties that the song garners a cool $2 million dollars a year in royalties.
Or if you want to be extra safe, you can do what many restaurant chains do and just invent your own special version of the lyrics, assuming you don't mind looking and sounding like a stupid asshole.
Seriously, why have I never heard of this law. I absolutely hate the birthday song. Its just so awkward. I am the guy at birthday parties who stands there without singing until someone sees then I lip sync like Milli Vanilli or Ashlee Simpson on SNL. Theres always that person who is overly happy and trying to nail happy birthday like Rene Rancourt singing the anthem at the Garden. Now lets not make me out to be the Grinch of Birthdays, Im all for birthdays. This is an issue between me and the song. Of course everyone is going to think this is ridiculous that they sued the Girl Scouts. Boo Hoo get over it, maybe these girls can get their Copyright Infringement Patch and learn the rules.And act like these Girl Scouts dont have the money, please these bitches are loaded. Making their poor parents hustle cookies to their co-workers, lurking on every corner forcing you to buy cookies. These broads are skiing in money Scrooge McDuck style. So next time Im out to eat and someone tries to sing happy birthday, not only will I not sing but I will get it on video, and send it to Time Warner and try to get a finders fee.
PS: $2 Million a year in royalties? Thatd be sweet to inherit those rights. Lounging by the pool Billy Madison style with my loser friends, and one of them says "Wheres this money coming from?" Straight Birthday Cake Money.
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